I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
