he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
