I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize