Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
