I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
