I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
