you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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