I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
