We're facebook friends in real life
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
