I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
