She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
