There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
