Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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