I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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