don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
