and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
