He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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