Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
