I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
