So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
