Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
