toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
