she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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