You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
