Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
