Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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