guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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