i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize