you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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