I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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