His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
