Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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