i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
