Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
