I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize