"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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