How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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