you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
