I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
