Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
