I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
