It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So much rum. So many feels.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
