she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
