No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
