I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize