Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
