I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
