i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
