Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
