I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the condom got lost in my hair
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
