I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
