Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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