I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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