there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
