i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
