I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
