Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
