Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
