i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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