just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she peed on how many people?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
