The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
