so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
