I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
