Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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