Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
