What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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