I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
