There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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