Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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