my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize