this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
