dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
