he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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