tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The air taste purple.
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