dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
