Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
