I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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