is your mom at the bar?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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